Sunday, September 30, 2012

Deflecting Pain


The first time I cut my wrist was when I was 13. I felt devastated and lost, after locking myself up in my room, with some hardcore music blasting out loud from the stereo, cutting myself seemed pretty normal at that time. It sounds ridiculous and idiotic now, but in my defense, I was 13. I got my tongue pierced when I was 14, I remember being depressed and I was pretty much at my lowest point so I decided to get a hole in my tongue. It was an impulsive decision. Every other kid pretty much judged me since then. A 14 year old girl with a tongue piercing? She's such a bad influence, yada yada yada. Funny thing is, all those kids that talked a whole load of bull back then, aren't so innocent now, are they? At the end of 2008, I got my belly pierced. I was in a huge fight with my mum so I skipped school and went to the city with some of my friends. I had always been afraid at the idea of a needle sticking through my navel but I did it anyway. At the end of 2011, I got my ear stretched. It was only for a month, thank god. I'm not into the whole ear gauge look. Imagine being 40 with a stretched ear lobe? Creepy.

Anyway, the point of this story is that I now realise that this is how I deal with my emotions. By deflecting pain, anger, sadness by inflicting pain to myself. Such a freak.