Thursday, October 27, 2011

Love The Way You Lie

Now I know we said things, did things that we didn't mean
And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine
But your temper's just as bad as mine is, you're the same as me
But when it comes to love, you're just as blinded

Baby, please come back, it wasn't you, baby, it was me
Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is I love you too much to walk away though

Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk?
Told you this is my fault, look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed, I'll aim my fist at the drywall

Next time? There won't be no next time
I apologize, even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games, I just want her back, I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to fuckin' leave again, Imma tie her to the bed
And set this house on fire

Face Down

Ariana walked home from School that Wednesday afternoon because just like any other day, her father was late. She remembered the packet of cigarettes she bought yesterday and reached for the left pocket of her purple backpack. Ariana clasped her lips around the cigarette and inhaled, filling her mouth with thick smoke before swallowing it down to her lungs. The familiar smell of nicotine made her feel relaxed, it was an undescribable feeling. Ariana took her time to get home. She could feel people watching her with their judging eyes, stealing quick glances and she enjoyed every moment of it. As she got closer to home, she ignored that dreaded feeling and stepped on her cigarette. She took a deep breath and went inside. 

"Mom, I'm home!" was the first thing Ariana said when she headed to the kitchen, hunting for something to munch on. Nothing was on the table so she climbed up the stairs, feeling a little disappointed. As she passed her parents beedroom, she heard a muffled cry. Her mother layed on her queen sized bed, the royal blue duvet covered her whole body so what was visibile were only strands of her jet black hair. Ariana rushed into the room and sat on the bed while her mother quickly wiped off her tears. She swallowed her throat and forced a smile, "How was your day, honey?" said the mother. Ariana saw a bruise on the right side of her mother's forehead. She felt a knot in her stomach at the thought of her mother getting hurt.

"Cover up with make up in the mirror,
Tell yourself its never gonna happen again,
You cry alone and then he swears he loves you"

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Fictional Story

But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain,
Its 2 am and I'm cursing your name,
You're so inlove that you act insane,
And that's the way I loved you.

It was just another typical Friday night, nothing out of the ordinary. Allison got out of the shower, all wrapped up in an off white cotton towel with droplets of watter dripping from her raspeberry scented hair. Slowly, she eyed her closet from afar with her index finger lightly tapping her chin, trying to assemble the perfect outfit for her date tonight. After raiding her whole closet, she finally settled into a sheer turqoise top with a black bodycon skirt underneath and since it looked like it was about to rain, Allison put on her favourite navy blue blazer. As usual, she took about 30 minutes to get her hair and make up done. Just as she put the last coat of mascara on her lashes, Allison heard her mum calling from downstairs, "He's outside!" she said. Allison quickly grabbed her bag and walked to the front door as fast as she could. The moment she stepped outside, she could not help but to smile at the boy standing infront of his car, with his hands both in his pockets staring at her in amazement. "You look beautiful", said the 18 year old. Zac pecked Allison on her cheek before opening the door for her.

They drove away. She stared at the window while singing to every song in the mixed cd Zac made. Allison's a terrible singer but Zac just sang along. She glanced at the boy driving next to her, silently hoping to herself that things will never change.

True That

My life has been filled with lots of unpleasant moments lately. But today, today I reached rock bottom. Despite the fact what happened approximately 4 hours ago threw a big impact to not just me but my family as well, I don't feel at all lost. To be honest, I actually felt..relieved. I felt like I could breathe again, like I could just be myself without having any insecurities or deal with unnecessary drama. For the first time in weeks, perhaps maybe months, at that precise moment, I don't feel the need to change. I felt absolutely fine being myself.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Bad Habits Die Hard

Everyone has a bad habit they would likely overcome. In my case, I have two.. The first one is that I do this croaky sound with my throat where I kind of suck the insides of my cheeks and swallow while it does this really inappropriate sound. To be honest, it makes me sound like a frog. My dad gets ballistic whenever he hears that. Haha the second one is a little weird. I like to stick my head in the freezer, not litterally, but you know, inhale the scent, taking it all in. Okay, maybe thats really weird and you would probably go ew what the hell? But it calms me for reasons I'm still unaware of. Ive been doing that since I was a kid and the best part is, its just my freezer. I know this because Ive tried inhaling other people's top fridge and they smell bad. You know, with the whole dead fish and other animals laying in there.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Movie Of The Yearg

I have never come anywhere near the word "interested" or "fascinated" when it comes to robots. Well except that year back in 2003 where my school had a field trip to Petrosains in KLCC and they showed us these robotic stuff so I got into it for like a week before I moved on with life. I never understood why people were so fanatical about Transformers and Iron Man, I mean its just heavy metal walking around and talking in a monotone voice. Oh and they fight, big deal. But after watching Reel Steel, I took back everything I have ever said or silently thought of robots. It was amazeballs! And I have never believed in that word before until I saw the movie because it was ridiculously awesome. Plus I sort of cried during the father-son scenes. Hehehehehe.

Friday, October 21, 2011

Just A Shadow

Today, I read a really beautiful blog. It would be a lie if I said I didnt turn to google for help. There I was, feeling a tad bit guilty as I type in every alphabet of her name and clicked the search button. Each and every one of her posts gave me the goosebumps. Sometimes I envy how my friends can get on really well with their dad. How they can just talk about everything, how they can just ride together in a car without having the need to start a conversation to avoid awkward silence.

I have a father that I see only approximately 15 minutes every day during dinner and thats if he doesnt already have other plans. Apart from that, he's always preoccupied. If not with work until 4 in the morning in his home office, then he's out. Sometimes we talk, sometimes we don't. Sometimes he makes jokes but I can't remember the last time he did. I grew up with friends that had their own share of family problems, so I've never really thought of mine. I've never really cared. At least, I thought I didnt. That moment when I read her blog, I realised how much it bothered me that I have never had a father who I could turn to. It feels like I'm wearing an inconspicuous black dress in a black themed party where I remain unseen and clearly not significant enough to be noticed. Every word I say seems to be inaudible or never important to be heard. Its true that he has changed but honestly, he has never even tried hard enough to get along. If we are his priority, then he would have made an effort already by now.

Yet he still remains the way he is.

Monday, October 17, 2011

High School Never Ends

It saddens me to think that in just a matter of months, high school is coming to an end. I believe I have a month and a week left to be precise. Back then, I wanted to get high school over and done with so bad but now that I'm here, I don't have that feeling of anticipation. Instead, I feel sad. Unfortunately, its something I have to go through.

Anyway, I had an awesome weekend. Four of my closest friends came over and we shared four large boxes of pizza before watching a not so exciting football game. Its nice to have such great friends. Oh and by the way, Ive made a new twitter account because well, I tried deactivating my last one so I changed the password but after changing my mind, I tried logging in..but then I couldnt because the password was incorrect so yeah, search me up under "ThumbsUpAlisya" or just click here :-)

Deep Thoughts

I believe I am

Call Me Clueless

We tend to hurt the people we love. Have you heard of that phrase before? I'm sure everyone has. Despite the truth that lies in the saying, it doesnt mean its okay for anyone to do so. Because eventually, they will just get sick and tired of being the punching bag and realise that some things aren't worth the pain anymore. Don't wait til they walk away for you to see the damage you have done. Blaming others is just an escape escape clause. Have a look in the mirror once in a while, do you see your mistakes? Do you see your flaws?

Friday, October 14, 2011

Benefit Of A Doubt

Bottling up your emotions isn't healthy. At all. You may think you're alone in this, that no one gives a rat's ass about you and your problems, you don't see the point of telling anyone, even your loved ones because to you, how could they possibly help? Give them a benefit of a doubt, you will be suprised that there are those who genuinely care.

On a brighter note, a friend of mine is getting rid of the things she no longer needs. Who knows if you might find something to your liking. Do visit :-)

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

I Miss You Friend

Sometimes distance changes things. It does that to people. Though, you can't just blame distance. You need effort as well.  A friendship that once was so close now becomes just a vague memory.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Little Kid Gotta Grow Up

Admit it, we are all lost. We are all still eagerly searching for an identity. We do things we swore on our lives we would never do. Look at us now, look where we are. You think you're unique, you think you're one of a kind. Hate to disappoint but you're not. In the next six months, you'll change whatever it is you strongly feel about. Your whole perception of things, of life, will change. Its inevitable. We're just kids, how could we possibly stick to what we say?

Friday, October 7, 2011

The Way We Are

On Tuesday, two of my friends came over to have lunch. Lanee sort of suprised me with four types of chocolate cakes (only because I'm a huge fan of chocolate) and a bouquet of pink roses. I would have been suprised, if Rhyz didn't open his incredibly large mouth. Haha. I have the sweetest friends. A little random sometimes, but sweet.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Walk Home With Me

I have always loved staying at hotels. Its not really just hotels, anywhere actually that has a swimming pool, elevators and anywhere far from my hometown. Don't take this the wrong way, I love my home, I love Subang Jaya, theres no place like home, right? But I have always liked this feeling of going places where nobody knows me. I love waking up in the morning, get my breakfast and walk to places I have never been before, hoping to find adventure. And when the night falls in around me, I'll go back, still hoping for the same thing tomorrow.

I Should Run Away

I can't seem to stop myself from purchasing things these days. My mum thinks its because I'm stressed out over my exams and I'm just indenial that its just a month away. Maybe she's right. She's always right. I have been feeling inadequate these past few weeks and the only thing thats cheering me up are the things I buy. Unfortunately, after a few hours, that feeling of panic comes back and all I want to do is crawl under my blanket, never have to leave my room again.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

These Says It All

They were exactly why I had an awesome weekend :-)

Happy Birthday Me

Hi, this was one of the best weekends Ive had in a very long time. Apart from the terrible occurence that happened early of the week, everything else was great. In fact, it was awesome :-) Hasiff got me a beautiful fossil charm bracelet for my birthday with an extra charm. I havent taken it off ever since the day he wore it on my wrist. Hehe, and my best friend of 8 years gave me the most adorable gift ever. It was a card that she made, it has three layers and who knew she still kept an old photo of us back in 2006. Hahaha we both looked weird, but oh well, good times. :)