Thursday, September 29, 2011

Why Waste Your Life Away ?

Its frustrating how you hope your loved ones will change some day and as days pass by, they still remain the same. They get older but their mentalities are still stuck in a generation they should have left years ago. As I sit here on my stained white couch covered with this egyptian blanket, looking at my girl sleep soundly beside me, I realise that I do want to be better. I want to be able to provide, I want to be able to give her a life where I make no mistakes, if that is even possible. Unfortunately, that is beyond my capability. I will try my best. So if you ask me, do I feel sad that I can't have fun the way I used to, the answer will be no. How can we call it fun when in reality, we are destroying ourselves? You may not see it now, but you will. Maybe not tomorrow, or next week, or anytime soon. But that day will come. My life finally has a purpose.

Maybe I have changed and maybe I havent.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Its Not An Addiction

I can't recall when was the last time I purchased a pair of heels so I felt my shoe closet needed a new friend. hehe. I can't find the sd card to my camera which explains why I didnt take a photo of them. Not to worries, here's how they look like except that they don't have that strap thing at the top part.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Nobody Else But You

When I was a kid, I used to compare my family with my friends and wished I had their lives instead of mine. After years go by, Ive come to realise that I would never trade my family for any other. Okay, scratch that. I would never trade my mum for any other mum in this world. I used to want mums with coloured hair, fashionable clothes, well you know those "cool mums". I now know that my mum doesnt need to act 10 years younger to be cool, she already is. She listens to my problems, she tries to understand even though sometimes she doesnt, she laughs like a beat up car and the best part is, she's still here for me after all the crap I have put her through. What more could I possibly need? :-)

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Sometimes people become who they are because of what happened to them. Honestly, I don't really think getting your heart broken is a good enough reason for anyone to treat other people like crap. You feel like shit so you try to mend what was broken by making other people feel the way you do? Isn't that just selfish? Or a little hypocritical? I don't know. I'm speechless. I never knew anyone could be that angry. Or self absorbed.

Some people get cheated on countless of times for years. Some people are dying because they don't have a choice. Some people have to watch their kids suffer and can't do shit about it. So what makes you think that the burden you are carrying is heavier than others? Come on man, get yourself together. Why make yourself look weak when you could be doing the total opposite? Toughen up, its a phase that you will get through.

Good god, I don't even know why am I typing this at 6.37 am. Geez, I should be asleep right now. Goodnight.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Birthday Birthday Birthday

When I was a kid, I used to count the days to my birthday and remind everyone about it. Only because of one thing, gifts. I love getting gifts. A few years back, around 2002, I would call my mum at least twice a day to remind her that my birthday is getting near to the point that it got annoying. Then on my birthday itself, I did not get anything. My parents were trying to teach me a lesson or something but I was only 8 at that time so after a few days, I got my gift.

Somehow this year, its different. Its just another day to remind myself I'm getting older. I even forgot about it until Hasiff said that my birthday is only a few weeks away. I don't feel excited. Why don't I feel excited?

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Girl, You Are Indenial

Hey, I can't remember the last time I updated a real post since I have not had time on my hands these days. Anyway, I updated a little poll for you girls to vote on what you would like to see on my blogshop. Spare me five minutes of your time, will you? hehe On a brighter note, I recently purchased three maxi dresses from Forever 21. I would show you guys how they look like but that would require me to take photos of them and I don't really have the energy to do so. Why maxi dresses? Because those are what looks okay on me right now. Have you seen the size of my thighs? People, they are huge. They are massive. They look like the great wall of China. I am probably eligible enough to make the cut for Guinness World Records.

Oh didnt you know? I have a problem with my self esteem. In other words, I am insecure as hell. Right now, I feel like I have the fattest thighs on earth. If you are reading this and think I have a problem, don't tell me, I know that years ago. It bugs me to see how a skinny girl can call herself fat. Like, if you are fat, what does that make me? A whale?

And spm is like around the corner and I'm writing this post just so I can avoid talking about that. Bye!

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Time Will Heal

I miss feeling good about myself.
I miss the conversations we had.
I miss telling you about my dreams.
I miss telling you just about everything.

Guess What Girls

Blogshop is updated :-)

Sunday, September 4, 2011

I Should Know By Now

Not good enough. Not good enough. Not good enough. Not good enough. Not good enough. Not good enough. Not good enough. Not good enough. Not good enough. Not good enough. Not good enough. Not good enough. Not good enough. Not good enough. Not good enough. Not good enough. Not good enough. Not good enough. Not good enough. Not good enough. Not good enough. Not good enough. Not good enough. Not good enough. Not good enough. Not good enough. Not good enough.

I am never good enough. I never have been and I guess, never will be.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Not A Second To Waste

I'll never look at you the same way again

Is It Really ?

I'll Do Better

This is beyond frustrating. Words can't even begin to explain how I feel. Anger and sadness mashed up in one, even that can't really match up to the emotions running in me as I speak. There are some things you remember and some things, you just cannot forget. Like what happened today. It would be a miracle if I could just forget. Unfortunately, I can't.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Live Your Life

My mum's friend's daughter passed away recently, on the second day of Raya. She was just 17 and had leukemia since 2008. A few months ago, her brother donated his bone marrow, hoping to save her life. Things turned around for a while, she recovered and her cancer was gone. Unfortunately, not for long. The last four words she said to her mum before she left was see you later, alligator.

It pisses me off how selfish some people can be. Your lover dumps you so you have nothing to live for? You go through family problems and you want to give up life? You have to go through an ounce of pain so you brag to the whole world? Come on man. Sure, I went through this phase as well but I grew out of it, don't you think you people should too?