Deflecting Pain

The first time I cut my wrist was when I was 13. I felt devastated and lost, after locking myself up in my room, with some hardcore music blasting out loud from the stereo, cutting myself seemed pretty normal at that time. It sounds ridiculous and idiotic now, but in my defense, I was 13. I got my tongue pierced when I was 14, I remember being depressed and I was pretty much at my lowest point so I decided to get a hole in my tongue. It was an impulsive decision. Every other kid pretty much judged me since then. A 14 year old girl with a tongue piercing? She's such a bad influence, yada yada yada. Funny thing is, all those kids that talked a whole load of bull back then, aren't so innocent now, are they? At the end of 2008, I got my belly pierced. I was in a huge fight with my mum so I skipped school and went to the city with some of my friends. I had always been afraid at the idea of a needle sticking through my navel but I did it anyway. At the end of 2011, I got my ear stretched. It was only for a month, thank god. I'm not into the whole ear gauge look. Imagine being 40 with a stretched ear lobe? Creepy.

Anyway, the point of this story is that I now realise that this is how I deal with my emotions. By deflecting pain, anger, sadness by inflicting pain to myself. Such a freak.

Lazy Sunday

Its Sunday, weather's okay for now, not too sunny and certainly not raining. Here I am, lying on my sister's bed, up in the attic (Yes my sister lives in the attic, don't feel bad for her cause I don't) I have my Italy football jersey on and boy shorts with earphones plugged in. Today, I'm enjoying my own company. I don't feel the need to talk to anyone, I don't feel the need to see any of my friends, I don't constantly check on my Skype to see if you're online, today it feels good to be on my own. 

Anyway, I've been pretty active on tumblr for the past few weeks. Follow me ;)

Tumblr : http://sunshinesandbutterflies.tumblr.com

and add me on Skype if you want to talk!

Skype ID : alisyafairuz

More To This

Have you ever watched a movie or a tv show, or looked through all these photos you see in Tumblr and listen to all these beautiful covers on YouTube and feel like there's so much more to life than where you are right now? Sitting on that chair, browsing through the internet everyday, going through your life and livin each second as though it doesn't matter? Don't. Cause it does. Go skate, swim, dive, hike, sing, act, paint, draw, run, whatever, try something out. You don't know what you're capable of. Travel the world while you still can, see the beauty of asia, europe, the states, africa, travel the globe. Study your ass off, get a scholarship and travel. Trust me, life is so much more than we are right now. We aint seen nothin yet.

Thinkin Bout You

Cover of Thinking About You originally by Frank Ocean

http://www.youtube.com/user/NAJAFLYTHE

While In The Maclab..

Love Love Love

Monstrosity

Haven't had the time to post a new entry, my schedule is too packed this semester. Its just the second week yet my assignments are already piling up. Stressed out fo sho. Been on my mum's bad side for the past few weeks, everything I do seems to piss her off. On a not so different note, I turn 18 next Tuesday, on the 2nd of October but I just want it to be over and done with. Used to get excited for birthdays, well that was when I was a kid and when my parents gave two fucks about me. Things  definitely have changed.

Sarcasm Does Suck

It may seem to you that I have completely changed, that all those years of us being friends, of going through shit together, didn't matter to me. They do. The times when we snuck the car out, skipped school, the impromptu plans, how I was always the one you would pick up whenever you get to drive the car out, how we spent thousands of bucks playing foosball together, how you were always my partner in crime, the person who knew what I was going to say before I even said it, I remember. I went to college and made new friends, I still tried my hardest to be in your life but it seemed like you weren't that bothered to be in mine. Assumptions were made and things started to change. I apologized like a bitch, like a dog. The second I found out you assumed a certain tweet was about a friend of ours and you decided to write a nasty indirect tweet about me, and how you just replied me with a sarcastic "Oops" the second I asked you about it pretty much defined our whole friendship. It meant nothing to you. So then you became nothing to me too.

Rollin Down 95

If anyone was wondering, I have not always been this optimistic. Come to think of it, I remember being depressed back in June. I would put up a mask whenever I'm around people but the second I'm alone at home, I would turn into this bitter ball. Probably because I was into this one guy and I screwed it up so things didn't work out but funny thing is, I don't remember how this happiness of mine started. I just remember that I loved staying in and I loved going out. I remember enjoying every single day I spent with myself, my family and my friends, I remember being grateful and loving life as it is. So far, things have been working out great. 

Much Love

Hey, don't know if any of you realised but theres this visitor tracker thing on the bottom right section of my blog and I noticed how I have had visitors from other countries as well. So here's a shout out to the readers from the States, Australia, Brunei, Singapore, Qatar, China, England, Belgium, Philippines, Malta, Denmark, India, Hong Kong, Russia, Bulgaria, Tunisia, Canada and Indonesia. What's up people? Thanks for reading and all these people from Malaysia, you guys are amazing! I'll try my best to keep everyone entertained with my words and awesome sense of humour (laugh please) Love you guys! x

Baby Why Are You So Excited

I have a few days left before the second semester starts and to be honest, I can't wait to start studying again. Don't get me wrong, I had a good..scratch that, I had an awesome time the past three weeks but I just can't wait to have a routine again. Had a great weekend. My friday night was spent with the best friend of 9 years, did a lot of singing in the car, showed off my awesome driving skills and hung out with new college friends. Saturday night on the other hand was spent with one of my good friends who just got back from her short Eurotrip, Iman and some other people. Last night involved a lot of horrible singing to mainstream songs, epic your mama jokes, hysterical laughter and a passed out friend. Haha couldn't ask for a better way to end my weekend.

Dip Dye

So yo, whats up? Hows it goin? Super stupid tactic to attract the audience because it isnt like theyre gon answer you but yeah, anyway. Dip dyed my hair yesterday because I was home alone and bored, I had some of the stuff left so I figured why the hell not. I even managed to cut my jeans into a pair of shorts. I guess thats why I dont get left alone at home much, cause I tend to get creative which eventually leads me to destroying things.

Anyway, since my friends have been MIA (missing in action) the past 3 weeks, I've been making some new friends on my own. Someone once told me that in Taylors (my college), you meet new people every single day and with every new person you meet, comes another 10 new people and you hang out, you talk, but the chances of you seeing them again the very next day is close to none. So true! 

On a totally different note, I’ve been getting random people from the states following me on twitter, wonder how did that happen..

Blogshop Updated

Updated my blogshop :)

http://misshopaholicisbroke.blogspot.com

Heart On Fire

Is it just me or people of our generation these days are so eager to fall in love? I get it, who doesn't? Come on, you see what love does to people. They get all happy and bubbly, even the meanest person in the world turns into this nice unicorn when he or she is in love. It fucks you in the mind. Like literally, taps you on the head, over and over and over and OVER again. And the second it's over, you turn into this bitter pms monster and nobody likes a bitter pms monster, do they? Nah they don't. Sure, you see these photos in Tumblr, the quotes, you listen to all these sappy love songs, watch those romantic love movies and you just can't help yourself but to want to be apart of it. To be able to cuddle your loved one til you fall asleep, watch dvds at home, with a thick blanket and soft fluffy pillows, to have someone that understands..Okay I get it. But come on, we're young, I highly doubt we even know what love is. We can't even figure ourselves out. So chill, don't come looking for love cause it will come looking for you. Enjoy life. 

Sure Thing

Cover of Sure Thing originally by Miguel

http://twitter.com/ddbmusic

http://facebook.com/danieldebourgddb

http://youtube.com/user/danieldb13/videos

Exam Results

You had no idea how nervous I was the second my friends told me that our exam results were out. I was having dinner with some of my friends when my girls whatsapped me about their results so I logged in my college portal and held my breath, silently praying to myself. Guess what..I did pretty okay. 2As 2B+s and 2Bs, managed to score a 3.25, yayorz! All 7 of us girls got above a 3 pointer so we pretty much are good influences to one another..I think. Haha. This calls for a celebration ;)

Butterflies

It was a Friday night, a cold Friday night and Aliyah was shivering in her thick jacket. Despite the fact that she had three layers of clothing on that consisted of a plain white v-neck, a black hoodie and an acid wash denim jacket, Aliyah still had the chills. She was not sure if it was because of the weather or was it because of the fact that she was about to meet Jake for the very first time. Aliyah still couldn't wrap her head around that she was actually standing at the Heathrow airport in London with a huge Louis Vuitton Taiga luggage that could fit an eight year old to meet a boy she has never met before. She was nervous. Sure, they have been talking to each other for approximately 2 years yet this is their very first meet. She had every reason in the world to be nervous.

In a distant, Aliyah saw a boy about 180 centimeters tall walking towards her direction. He had a thick printed sweater on over a pair of black slim fit jeans and she instantly knew who this boy was. Jake. She froze, she didn't know if she should run to him or just stay where she was but that might seem rude. So Aliyah went with the first thing that crossed her mind, she gave a frantic wave. "Idiot. You've been fantasizing of this moment for months and the first thing you do is wave?" She thought to herself. Jake immediately jogged up to Aliyah and gave her a hug. A really tight hug like the ones you just grip the other person's whole body. "I can't believe you're here. You're really here", Jake whispered, still not letting go. 

to be continued..

Frustration

I have been googling colleges and pr companies in the UK and states for weeks, call me obsessed but I like to think of it as determination. I want to study abroad and I can't just wait for that opportunity to drop from the sky. Do you know how difficult it is to get a scholarship or a study loan especially when you're a communication student? I swear it's like everyone looks down on us. People have got to change their perception of things. It doesn't matter what you do, what matters is if you excel in the thing you're doing. What ever happened to "catch your dreams" or "do what you love"? Good God. This is so frustrating.

Bed J Holiday

A cover of Bed originally by J Holiday

http://twitter.com/KierraFolsom
http://www.youtube.com/user/Kuniit/videos

Taylor's University

Here's the view of my college from Starbucks.

Best Student There Is

I haven't been out much this week, pretty much spent most of my days either at the gym or home. I've been checking out some universities in England and the states through their website, damn I want to study abroad real bad. I've got to prove to my parents that I am capable though this second semester so hopefully, I will try my hardest to be present in every class there is, get my assignments done and well in other words, be one of those boring good students, you know what I mean?

I cannot and will not be distracted but I am most definitely going to see Guetta on the 12th of October, that is inevitable and probably spend a weekend in Singapore this December. Other than that, hopefully nothing. I will be the best student there is. I am actually laughing as I'm typing this out because I know how I get distracted so easily and haha no seriously, I can never seem to concentrate longer than 5 minutes. I used to think I had adhd but everyone thinks I'm just being a drama queen so..yeah. Concentration. Yep. Definitely need to work on that. Ok good day everyone.

Distance

I miss everyone :(

Circle In The Sand

I have three weeks off college before I start my 2nd semester in Taylor's Lakeside University and most of my friends are either back in their hometown or in some sort of vacation while here I am, in front of my laptop, writing a post..hoping to kill time? Haha. Nah I'm just messing around, had a really good week after my finals. It was SO good until I got myself grounded, well maybe not grounded but my dad kinda told me off and I don't really want to be on his bad side at the moment. 

I've been going to the gym on a daily basis (SAY WHAT) maybe because I am just sick bored at home. Haha nah, I've always been obsessed with my weight so its about time I do something about it. I miss buying clothes, been staring at some pretty sweaters online for the past week and seeing how my cash just runs like water these days, there is no way I can splurge on a sweater right now. But hey, my birthday is coming! Just saying. Later.

Heart Attack (Radikl)

A cover of Heart Attack originally by Trey Songz

http://www.Twitter.com/RadiklMusic

http://www.FaceBook.com/RadiklOfficial

The Little Things

A friend asked me today "Why are you constantly getting lucky these days?" after one of my favourite youtube artist  (Joey Diamond) replied my tweet and followed me on Twitter. To be honest, I sometimes wonder about that too. I wonder why am I so grateful of life these days, why am I always happy but then it kind of hit me that maybe life's just normal right now but I'm actually appreciating every second that goes by instead of taking it for granted. Like right now for instance, here I am, sitting alone in Starbucks at my college campus and enjoying my own company. I have my laptop, a book, my phone, my earphones, what more could I possibly need? Plus, the weather is good. That's something definitely worth mentioning, no? I mean instead of complaining about everything you don't have all the damn time, why don't you just live it?